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[Monday
April 10th, 2006 ] |
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r.i.p. grandpa beahen we all love and miss you very much. <333
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[Tuesday
February 21st, 2006 ] |
my spaces suck soooo bad. i hate them.
but anyways, i dont feel like going towork today. i want to take off so i can go to canada out to eat with ryan and his parents for his cousins good bye dinner. FUCKK i really wanna go.
ryann, next week is 9months, iloveyousomuchhhh. ill have a car sooner or later. right now i only have about $1300. but umm, im getting closer to $5.000 i decided thats all im going to spend because saving $10,000 would take way to long ya know what i mean?> LISA i tried calling you yesterday from ryans dads cell phone because i broke mine once again, and lost your moms cellynumber, and you didnt answer yours, i left a voicemail too. i also tried to call your old house number, but its still off. i thought it would be on. :( im sorry.
well,,, next week is court in wheatfield, thank god for my uncle being a sheriff. i dont have to pay for anything or do anything but show up at court to hear them say "dropped" :) well i think me and ryan are taking a vacation during springbreak to ottawa canada. neither of us really know where it is, but its 5 hours away and the taste of chaos is playing there, so it sounds fun. i wanna go. well imgoing to be 18 next month andim so exicted. drivee past nine.
well im gunna go because my uncle is coming over and i dont want to be seen looking like this
i love RPM<3
laterrr
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[Sunday
February 19th, 2006 ] |
FUCK WORK..11 OCLOCK AM TO 11 CLOCK PM, NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN.
sleeping . .g. . .
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[Wednesday
February 15th, 2006 ] |
LIKE OH MY GOD, I HAVE 7 COMMENTS, wow!!! lol just kidding (sarcastic remark to the person who wrote " you used to have hundreds of comments, now look, you have none" ) lol. hahah.
well i miss my boyfriend. i worked all week and barely seen him, but tomorrow will be a good day for us, hopefully. he showed up at my house today with a teddybear and chocolate
ilove him so much he makes me smile<333333
im supposed to be calling nicole but im just ohh soo tired.
well this is a short update because i just got home from work and i need some sleep.
JANELLE you need to add me as a friend so that i can comment on your journal.
<33 me
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[Tuesday
February 14th, 2006 ] |
almost all of you are sooo gay, MOST of you. except for my few good friends. lol i love when people read and post privately. its probably whats her face and cracky mcgee if you get what im saying ?\! well anyways. right now im at breannas house. i left school at 1230 because valentines day is bullshit so she came and got me and we went to dennys to eat and i applied. im gaurnteed a job in march, good news. HAH last night my mom refused to come and get me from work like it wasnt her job, so nicole came to my rescue and we went on a little adventure to find out i was locked out of my house. hah. good times. well anyways, me and ryan are better than earlier, so thats great newsss i love him SOOO much. and hey, JOEY thank you so very much for that inspiring comment it meant a lot and i hope your valentines day is all you wanted it to be. have fun?:) but me and bre are off to work now, if her crazy fucking dog lets me out of the house.
love me:)
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[Tuesday
February 7th, 2006 ] |
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its funny to read such "know it all" remarks, when you know nothing at all:)
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[Tuesday
February 7th, 2006 ] |
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i called them today to tell them something about him, its funny how it was a nice gesture but i regret it. i shouldnt have called. they would have never called me but i guess that just shows how much of a bigger person i am than them now doesnt? i would still win no matter what, and i know this doesnt make sense but who was asking you?
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| friends dont mean a thing. <3 |
[Saturday
February 4th, 2006 ] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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WOW. has it been a long time or what? hmm.. lets see. everything really seems to be going good lately. i have some good relationships with some good people and i love it<3. hmm.. im saving for a car, not too close to 10 grand yet but one day,, i have a boyfriend that i love to death,, and i feel like since i have moved on from old relationships with certain people(although it was weird and different) i feel better, that part of my life is over and im starting a new one. my true "friends" came out during this one:).
well anyways, im waiting for breee to come here and get me so we can go to her partyy. im excited. getting drunkk tonite and waiting for two certain people to call and prank me some more, it entertains me to know their lives revolve around me, but hey whatta gunna do about it? just ignore it and laugh:)
LOVE ME.
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[Sunday
July 10th, 2005 ] |
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life goes on. and its only gunna make us stronger.
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[Thursday
June 30th, 2005 ] |
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theres just some days where you dont wanna wake up
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[Monday
June 20th, 2005 ] |
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i fucking love my friends, but when is the summer going to start? when are we going to stay out until 5 in the morning and wake up at 2 in the afternoon? i fucking love you guys<3
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[Wednesday
April 13th, 2005 ] |
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TOM PETTY IS COMING TO DARIEN LAKE.
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| REMIND ME NOT TO EVER THINK OF YOU AGAIN |
[Tuesday
April 12th, 2005 ] |
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mood |
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THERES SO MUCH I WOULD LIKE TO GET OUT AND WRITE IN HERE. HOW I REALLY FEEL ABOUT STUFF BUT IM JUST TO SCARED TO SAY.
i feel like SHIT. i feel like a bitch. i feel lonely. i feel ugly. i feel stupid. i feel annoying. i feel like a failure. i feel dependent on things that dont exist. i feel repetitive. i feel crushed. i feel envious. i feel guilty. i feel uncomfertable. i feel rejected. i feel closed in. i feel like i NEED someone. i feel crazy. i feel mean. i feel scared. i feel tired. i feel old. i feel used. i feel like i need a vacation. i feel like im missing out. i feel like i dont belong.i feel like i was happy with you. i feel like you hate me. i feel lazy. i feel like i fucked something up. i feel like, SHIT.
WOW theres such a difference in how i feel when i dont think of that than when i do. when will i get over it? when will i move on?
i want to take pointless pictures and do pointless things. i want to kick the ball and make cookies or brownies. i want to rent a movie. i want to go to perkins. i want to sit at the jemple. i want to sneak out. i want to draw. i want to smoke with my best friends in marisas room and laugh at stupid things. i want to go to the catwalk. i want to sit in joeys car. i want to go out to eat.i want to go to the blvd. mall. i want to go to a party and leave when i want to. i want to kiss someone. i want to hug someone. i want to re-live my favorite hug just once.<33 i want to be a virgin. i want to walk to the cemetary. i want to take the metro. i want to get my ear peirced. i want to go to a haunted house. i want to go to tamis and walk halfway to the regal. i want to get along with my best friends everyday and all day. i want to buy a new phone. i want to sit on a couch singing adams song talking about cookies. i want to go swimming. i want to go to the beach. i want to move to the southern tear. i want to write a book.i want to pass math. i want to make my parents proud. i want to go on the balloon at the falls. i want to see you. i want to call marisa. i want lisa to wake up. i want to know what tami is planning on doing tomorrow. i want to hang out with danielle.i want to go to skerkston. i want to drive in the hot sun and play the used. i want to see nirvana play live. i want to listen to nirvana. i want the tom petty and the heartbreakers cd. i want to know my father. i want my mother home.i want to fall asleep to court tv. i want to play kickball. i want to hug my friends goodbye each time we seperate in the hall way.i want to FEEL ALIVE.
these are just a few of the things i feel like would make me happy.i would like to do them all. i would like to do them all.
i wish i wasnt so paranoid. i only complain to keep from thinking. i want to have fun when im out. not constantly worry about something.
i really really really want a hug.
i dont want to sign offline. i dont want to go to my room to fall asleep. i dont want to think about you constantly. its killing me. its truthfully fucking killing me. i dont want to type about things i dont want to do. i dont want to go to school. i dont want to skip. i really dont want to type the things idont want to do. i dont want to think pesstimistically. i dont believe in thinking totally optimistic.
i dont want to , run out of things to talk about because im scared to go upstairs where i dont have acess to this journal.
well i suppose this is long enough ? i wish it wasnt.
lets talk about SOMEone ELSE
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| yawn |
[Thursday
April 7th, 2005 ] |
so sick so sick of being tired.
and oh so tired of being sick.
i feel like i dont know anyone ...,show me you guys are out there pleaseee<33
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| this week SUCKED |
[Thursday
April 7th, 2005 ] |
wont you believe it its just my luck ...
i dont think im allowed to go to canada.
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[Wednesday
April 6th, 2005 ] |
just woke up. im gunna start my social project thing. or maybe finish my people project and start the extra credit. then im gunna get dressed and head over to the school to pick up my missed homework so im not that behind when i go back tomorrow. i dont wanna go back. maybe ill stay home again. hah yeah right. but that would be great.
you guys: crystal said, these are the best years of our lives. and we all argue over what we could have instead of what we do. so lets get over how things used to be and enjoy it now. because when were older were going to regret not having as much fun with our best friends as we could have had. agree ?
ahh did you see you need a passport to go to canada soon? thats so GAY . hopefully they dont pass that law until after this weekend.
well i gotta go take some stupid nasty medicine. i hate medicine.
iloveyousomuchitmakesmesick<3
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| hello there.*. |
[Tuesday
April 5th, 2005 ] |
i just got home from work. an hour late i had to stay for one of the other girls because she had an anxiety attack. it was scary. but it sucked becaus i felt like shit the whole night. but teri let me leave early so it wasnt that bad.
im not going to school either tomorrow so that should be exciting . hah. i feel like im swallowing knifes.
well. i dont know if i have much to say. this isnt a great update...umm. i have homework i should do. tomorrow im going into school to get what i owe but then im leaving right away. i gotta work until close tomorrow. fucking sucks. but i want that god damn car. $3000 more to go. shouldnt take too long.
yawn
ew. i took this medicine that tasted like those tube shots. yuck.
returned from away
later
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| well best friends means; well i dont think i know anymore |
[Tuesday
April 5th, 2005 ] |
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mood |
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yawn. im happy i didnt have to go to school today. i feel like shit. work later, fucking sucks. my mom wants me to ask breanna to work for me tomorrow. i dont think i can do that. id feel too bad, she wont want to and i know id be mad if someone asked me to work for them that long of a shift on such short notice.
anyways. i fucking hate school with a passion. its so gay and im going to fail math. summer school for me its looking like. but i actually dont care. this summer is looking like its going to suck anyways.
hey lisa, canada this weekend. im excited how about you?! <33
i think its probably about time that i offically get over him. whats the point of missing someone this much when there isnt really much anymore, to miss. im just wasting my time. wouldnt you say so ?
isnt it weird how you think you know someone but you really dont ?yeah. thats weird.
im about to go and eat the best cereal ever. honey bunches of oats with bananas is my life<3, there better be some left i swear to god.
hes there in case i wandered off
hes scared because i warned
hes scared in case i want it all
hes scared cause i want
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| i wish i could . . |
[Saturday
April 2nd, 2005 ] |
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danielles away message just said it ALL in the few words i could never get out that way.
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